17 Feb Four Questions to Consider About Open Adoption When Putting a Baby up for Adoption
Open adoption does not mean saying “goodbye” to your child, rather, it is a type of adoption that still gives you information and access to your child. Establishing contact with adoptive parents and your child shows that you have progressed from one stage of your adoptive journey to the next. Here are some open adoption questions to consider.
1. What kind of interaction do I want after the adoption?
Every open adoption is unique in terms of the kind of interaction that will occur after the adoption. Typical types of interaction include phone calls, visits, emails, letters, photos, video, messages and texts. You and the adoptive parents will decide together how much interaction you will have with your child. It’s entirely up to you and the parents whether you want to communicate regularly or only occasionally. We recommend that you only have as much interaction as you feel comfortable having.
2. What if I want to meet with my child in person?
Some birth moms opt to visit their children annually, depending on their relationship with the adoptive parents. Open adoption visits are often held in a public setting such as a park or restaurant. Your in-person meetings with your child will be determined by your circumstances, how you feel and how the adopted parents feel.
3. How do you feel about giving and receiving gifts?
The birth parents and adoptive parents may exchange gifts, especially around the child’s birthday or during holidays. These gifts may include anything from toys to a simple card. The adoption laws in your state, as well as your interaction with the adoptive family, will determine if you can give your child gifts or receive gifts from the adoptive parents. It is a good idea to bring this up when deciding on the extent of interaction you want in an open adoption. You should not feel obligated to provide more information than you are prepared to offer or to maintain commitments that you are unable to fulfill
4. Will I need some space after adoption?
It is common to have feelings of loss and sadness after adoption. You may feel a mix of loss and sadness, denial, and even episodes of depression. In time, you will be able to work through all those feelings. Some birth moms may be saddened by the lack of a deeper bond with their child. Others may be afraid of meeting their child in person because they believe it will impede them from moving on. Each birth mom’s experience is unique, and while open adoption does not promise that you will not experience grief or sadness, it allows you to witness for yourself if your child is happy. For the time being, you may be content with getting photographs and letters from the adoptive family while you wait for in-person contact. Some birth moms prefer that Cradle of Hope Adoption Center retains any images or letters for them until they are ready to receive them