28 Aug What will my child think of me?
Most women considering adoption wonder if their child will resent her for choosing adoption. While not uncommon, the thought of your child one day hating you for placing them for adoption is a terrifying one – leaving you to wonder if adoption really is your best option. When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, suddenly everyone in your life thinks they are an expert, lecturing you about what you should do next. People unsupportive of adoption may tell try to convince you that your child will hate you for “giving them up.” People with good intentions may believe that an adopted child grows up lost and lonely, wondering who their birth parents are, never finding a sense of who they really are. However, that image couldn’t be more untrue.
Today’s adopted children are not only given the opportunity to grow up with a loving adoptive family, but they can know as much or as little about their family or origin as you would like to share. These children don’t grow up lost and lonely, rather they grow up secure in the knowledge that their birth mother loved them enough to choose adoption. To be fulfilled in their life, adoptive children need only loving parents and answers to very simple questions. Every child is curious about his heritage, health history, why their biological parents chose adoption and where they obtained certain features. By finding out the answers to these questions, many adoptive children can feel happy and complete.
Adoption was once a secretive world where children grew up knowing nothing about their biological parents and adoptive families didn’t talk about them. Some children grew up never knowing they had been adopted until they were adults. This secrecy naturally led to feelings of shame, abandonment and resentment by adopted children. However, today’s world of adoption is a more open one. Biological parents are encouraged to share health and social histories and explain why they felt adoption was the best choice. Birth mothers can see their children grow up firsthand though pictures, letters and even phone calls or visits. Many of them can send birthday presents and holiday wishes.
Birth mothers who choose adoption do so out of love for their children. While this time of your life can be very emotional and confusing, you should picture your child laughing, smiling and living the childhood you dream for them – all the while knowing that not only do they have an adoptive family that cherishes them, but a birthmother who loved them so greatly she choose this wonderful life for them.
Adopted children may not share the same physical features as their adoptive parents, but their adoptive parents will be able to fill their child’s eyes, ears and hearts with the richness of love. By helping answer some questions for your adopted child, you will provide them with the freedom to enjoy a better life. They will love you for it. Fortunately for you and your child, we now live in a world where adoption has evolved into something truly wonderful for the children who are lucky enough to experience it.