What to Say When Meeting Adoptive Parents

What to Say When Meeting Adoptive Parents

After you browse adoptive family profiles and select your favorite family, it can be hard to know for sure if they will be the right parents for your child. Speaking with and meeting adoptive parents can help you decide. Think about the values you want your child to learn and what type of parents you want for your child. Meeting adoptive parents and speaking with them allows you to make the best possible decision for your child’s future.

Benefits of Talking With the Adoptive Family

An adoptive family’s profile can only tell you so much about them. What you can’t get from a profile is the feeling behind what they’ve written. By asking them questions directly, you’re able to get a more complete picture of the adoptive couple as potential parents to your baby.

Hearing the adoptive couple’s voices, their emotions, and how they interact with each other can give you a better idea of who they are. It’ll also give you a better idea of what kind of relationship you want to have with them before and after the placement. We realize that speaking to and meeting adoptive parents for the first time can be nerve-wracking. You want to make a good impression and not say the wrong thing. Don’t worry – they’re nervous too. Like you, the adoptive couple intends to connect and worries that you won’t like them.

Typically, the first conversation with the adoptive parents will be over the phone. However, if you’d like to meet up with them in person, they will be happy to travel to you for this meeting.

Questions to Ask When Meeting Adoptive Parents

Here are some questions to help you make the most of your first conversation while at the same time building a relationship:

  1. What kind of relationship would you like to have after the baby is born?
  2. Does your extended family support the fact that you’re adopting?
  3. How and when will you tell my child they were adopted?
  4. When did you decide you wanted to start a family?
  5. Why did you choose to build your family through adoption?
  6. How long will you stay at home with my baby?
  7. Once you go back to work, what are your childcare plans?
  8. What will you call me, the birth mother, when you talk to him/her?

Assess How it Went

After you hang up the phone from meeting potential adoptive parents, take a minute or two to think about the conversation. Do you feel like it went well? What’s your first impression of the couple? What’s your gut feeling about them?

What if the call didn’t go so well? If you feel like the adoptive couple is asking too many uncomfortable questions (or if you feel disrespected), let them know. Or, you can always tell Cradle of Hope after the call if you get nervous about confrontations. There’s no requirement that you have to match with them or talk to them again if you don’t want to!

Some birth mothers find that it takes a while until they find the perfect family for their child. So be prepared and be ready to adjust to change when it happens. If you don’t hit it off with the first adoptive family you meet, Cradle of Hope can arrange a meeting with another of your choosing.