09 Mar How Will the Adoptive Parents Tell My Child About Adoption?

“I’m due soon, and I just found out that I’m having a boy. How will the adoptive parents tell my child about me when he’s older? How will they tell him that he was adopted? I love my son so much already, and I don’t want him to grow up thinking I’m an evil person who just gave him up.”

As you think about adoption, you probably have lots of questions about your child’s understanding of their adoption. You may also have questions about how the parents will tell your child about you. You may be wondering:

• How will the adoptive parents refer to me when explaining about the adoption?
• How and when will my child know they were adopted?
• Will I be able to talk to my child about their adoption?

In today’s modern adoptions, children are told their adoption stories and about their birth parents from the beginning. From the moment the parents you selected bring your baby home, they’re encouraged to speak positively of their adoption story and of you. Since adoption is seen as a part of their family’s story, it will always be a normal part of their lives. That means your child will always know about their adoption, so it won’t shock or surprise them.

You might have fears, like, “Will my child hate me for placing them for adoption?” and “Will they understand why I chose adoption?” These are all normal concerns. Since you love your baby unconditionally, you want to make sure that they will know that and feel comfortable with their adoption and with you. Cradle of Hope Adoption Center has helped many birth parents make an adoption plan through our agency. We understand how important it is for children to grow up knowing how amazing adoption is and how courageous their birth parents are. We can help you create a strong, positive open adoption relationship, so you’ll always know that your child understands your adoption decision and appreciates you.

What Adoptive Parents Will Tell Your Child About You

Even if you don’t want to stay in contact with the adoptive family after the adoption, your child will still learn about you from their adoptive parents. Your child will know whatever facts about you that you shared with the adoptive parents and would like your child to know. They will know that you love them and chose adoption because of that love. If you choose an open adoption, you’ll be able to tell your child yourself about why you chose adoption. This option lets you and your child get to know one another directly. Many birth mothers keep a relationship with their child and the adoptive parents, which can feel much like an extended family.

Discuss With the Adoptive Parents

Once you choose adoptive parents for your baby and decide to match with them, you can ask them how they plan to tell your child that he was adopted. You can also ask what they’ll tell your child about you. You can talk with your child’s future parents about how they’ll talk to your child about adoption. Together, you can discuss how your child’s adoption story will be a part of their life and how you’d like them to tell that story. If you’d feel more comfortable having your Cradle of Hope social worker discuss it with the family for you, let her know. She will share your needs with the adoptive couple and she’ll be able to give them ideas on how they can talk with your child about adoption and about you.

Make a Keepsake for Your Baby

You can share with the adoptive parents what you want your baby to know about you. For example, some birth mothers have created a scrapbook, booklet, or similar keepsake for their child. Inside, the birth mother writes a letter to her baby and shares things like her hobbies, life, and why she decided on adoption. If you make a booklet like this, you can also include photos of you, your family, and your baby’s father. Once your child grows older, his adoptive parents can give this keepsake to him. This keepsake allows you to tell your child about your love for him and share your history, personality, and reasons for choosing adoption. The father of your baby can add to your keepsake book too or he could write a letter. You might even invite your family to add to the book, share photos, or write a letter to your baby. The adoptive parents will treasure the information you’ve provided and share it with your child at an appropriate age.

Talking About Adoption

Whether you choose an open or closed adoption, the adoptive parents will have a lifetime of gratitude and appreciation for you. Your baby will grow up knowing they are loved by both their birth family and adoptive family. Adopted children today understand what adoption means and how it works. They also understand that adoption was a decision their birth parents made out of unconditional love for them.

If you’d like to learn more about how the adoptive parents will talk to your child about adoption or get answers to any other questions, contact Cradle of Hope at 301-587-4400.